Gratitude

As-Salaam Alaikum (may peace be upon you),

I was going write some long drawn out essay but that didn’t feel right. I much rather speak from the heart the way Allah been guiding me to do all year.

Shout out to my mother, the young lady mentioned above and Capria Cullen (twin!). They held me down last year and got me together. These women helped me greatly and I’ve learned so much from each and continue learning from the words they shared even when they thought i wasn’t listening. Sometimes that’s how shit be when you listen with your ears and not your heart.

Shout out to my brothers, business partners and family, Charles & James. Y’all my niggas champ, like for real. I needed y’all and y’all ain’t judge, let me emote and express with open hearts and arms at times. Really for-lifers. 

My girl, my Jiminy Cricket, shout out Folake. You’ve helped me more than you know during this process and journey. For that i appreciate you champ.

KENNETH! My right hand, I love you bruh. I want to thank you for asking the questions you ask me, Britt too. Because Britt asked me, “what do you want outside of Hazie?” and that question was crushing me for two years. I know now and this year i made a stride. So in shaa Allah, we all get to benefit from that. 

My brothers in Izm, you men are amazing, the establishment and foundation we’ve built is greatly appreciated. P, i love you. Baba, i love you. Fat boy, i love you. Ahk, i love. Byron, i love you. 

I had to shout my folk out because I’m grateful and after being ungrateful about so much for so long, I cherish everything moe.

From the first breath when i wake up, to the subtle inconveniences that make me practice Sabr (patience). My friends been telling me I’ve changed lately and it feels good for them to see the discipline i put in but it’s honestly because they had faith in me and were there for me when i was in my own way. It wasn’t work, the work was going against all the signs Allah SWT showed me.

I went out my way to fuck up a lot, but like my brother P said “when i was a child, i thought like a child” and honestly i was just tired of childish decisions with adult consequences. Not to mention the adult mindset to rectify these same issues. I decided to cut that shit out and added Islam.

I really love being a Muslim bruh, it has made all my relationships better. From my mother, friends to business. Since I’m not on bullshit forreal, I’ve been tapping into the deen and history of my religion. Not like last year when i was bluffing. I found real peace and guidance, respect for family and friends. Respecting and courting women. Lowering my gaze. Cutting sex out when dealing with women (for the most part, can’t be wellin) but even through it all, knowing and learning the value of such intimate connections.

Speaking from the heart. Intention, moving and speaking with intent. Being sincere. And wit that came a lot, new job, new opportunities and relationships business wise. Business partners trusting me more, i feel like anyway. Seeing rewards for the discipline or “work” and not just gratification from my peers meant way more.

Allah SWT really broke me down and showed me, myself and called me to him, kept calling me to him too. It’s really Ar-Raheem (The Most Merciful) and i answered, ran to him forreal. Best decision I ever made. Because I made the decision to be a Muslim, why play with God but have the nerve to question Him when i fuck up?

Real Kafir (nonbeliever) behavior. I don’t pray as much as i need to but when i do, i don’t rush my prayers and i get in sujood after my rakats and get my real time in with Allah SWT. Crying in sujood is the best therapy at times moe. Talking to humans don’t fix everything and you can’t trust them. Allah SWT is Al-Muhaymin (The Preserver of Safety), As-Salam (The Embodiment of Peace), Ar-Razzaq (The Total Provider).

Learning those names after everything i witnessed Him take from me I had to show GRATITUDE. I had to change all my ways. Especially if I want to be deserving of the name Musa Abdullah, Moses Servant of God is the translation and yeah. I needs dat. Plus the dunya isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Not trying be nervous when called to testify.