Sabr is a mindset

What a year, am I right? This last year was vicious, one for the books on both sides for me and through most of it I felt lonely or alone. Which is wild cause I wasn’t alone going through any of the shit i went through, but i still felt distant from my mans and folks. Like, we're all going through this but I’m emoting the way I’m emoting. Look at me, using words like emote, SubhanAllah.lol

But for real, this year has brought many blessings and just as much pain and confusion. Being blessed with a career after feeling stagnant professionally for so long. Touching more money than I ever have professionally(Alhamdoulilah) but still spending like a child knowing damn well…but that’s part of this journey called life, being alone doesn’t necessarily equate to being lonely but going through certain test given by Allah SWT, will have you feeling lonely. It is needed though because Allah doesn’t do anything for no reason. Lesson in it all.

For example, processing a miscarriage, then the death of my grandmother not long after. I can’t speak for anyone else but dealing with them two things back to back pushed me in a deep, DEEP hole of loneliness but I needed it. In the past when moments like this occurred, I neglected the feelings with drugs, liquor, or wouldn’t process or acknowledge the feelings. 

Now? Me and Allah Azzawajal locked in. 

Made up for Ramadan instead of going backwards. That’s the point of loneliness and being alone, I’ve realized anyway. Getting closer to the Creator during the times I feel alone or lonely brings an amazing whole feeling into the spirit. Knowing the prophets (peace and blessing upon them) went through far worse and some of the same things I’ve experienced this year. Like my father didn’t try to kill me by throwing me in a fire, I’m not disrespected while praying, I’m not an orphan. Learning that and then knowing if the intention in your actions aren’t pure(only Allah SWT knows that) NOTHING good will come of anything, unless Allah SWT wills it.

Although I felt alone or lonely, I’ve also never felt so loved, wallahi. My tribe was solidified over the last year and I think I speak for every member. We really banded together, uplifted each other and fueled one another to do better. Ji vicious when your motivation is the guy you call “brother”. Blood couldn’t make us any more family. Family is important. Blood or not, the ones that love you everyday are the people you need to thank the most.

So know that you aren’t the only one going through shit or have been through it, “tale as old as time” but it’s an honest one. Through this journey I’ve noticed that I’m meant to be alone, well for now at least, but that’s not a bad thing. I’ve grown more this 3rd year of submitting to Allah SWT than I did in the first 29 years of life. Being lonely is acceptance. From your flaws to accepting the fact that Allah will take things away for something far more greater. Accepting Sabr(patience) just be patient, it’s a reason we are waiting for what we prayed for. Accepting the fact this life is just one big test from Allah SWT and the merciful, just keep at it. But with that said the journey was needed, honestly. Looking back and forward because without those tests, I wouldn't have the mindset I currently do and I’d still be reacting to situations instead of responding properly. Which is a victory in my book and for that, we say Alhamdoulilah.

I love you!

Musa Muhammad Abdullah Richardson